


I Never Learned How To Dance

by justbreathe



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 02:53:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/806332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justbreathe/pseuds/justbreathe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's frustrated with humanity, with society, but most of all with human emotion. After all, it's not exactly something that comes naturally for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Never Learned How To Dance

I never learned how to dance.

I never learned how to dance, until you taught me. One day, you took my hand, and swept me up close to you. You asked me if I wanted to learn, but you were already moving, didn't wait for me to tell you that I wasn't sure, or provide some kind of excuse. In retrospect, this was on purpose, and a wise move on your part. It allowed you to get what you wanted from the exercise.

In retrospect, I wish you hadn't wanted it at all.

Teaching someone to do something, in this case, was entirely selfish. You were lonely, I get that. You wanted a dancing partner. I know that desperation, and I know what it can do to a man. But to thrust me into it was unfair - not to say that the world, or anything in it at all, is fair - and I hold a grudge against you for doing so. I understand, though, and I forgive you.

Sometimes, you regret the consequences. The fact that I can't ever let go of you, in a literal sense, now that we're all each other has. You work at finding more to life, and I, completely useless and unable to live, follow you around like a puppy. Suddenly, I am the student and you the disciple, I the younger brother you must care for. And I know that you regret it, much as you smile and speak softly to me. I am not who you need me to be, and you cannot be what I need.

We don't make much of a team, except when it comes to death. It follows me, have you noticed? Since I took a downward path, all that accompanies me is pain, which I suppose was true before. Now, however, it seems to seep into the gaps in my self and replace whatever was once there. I want love to take the place of the emptiness, and compassion, but I'm not sure I understand those things yet. By my very nature I am destruction, and living chaos reigned, and though it seems to be in my job description that I care, I'm not sure that what I do feel is enough.

Teach me to dance, I want to say, but every time I ask for you to show me those steps, you recoil in fear. Fear of that dance, so rarely performed, which you have never completed successfully. I'm not asking you to do the whole thing with me, though. I know that's illogical, and I don't want or need that any more than you do. But I have seen you take those steps, those graceful falls, and I need to know how to do it. The only person patient enough, understanding enough to teach me is you.

Perhaps it is that you _don't_ have the patience. Perhaps I should try elsewhere. I'm not sure that anyone else would understand, but for the sake of myself, for the selfishness of it, I could try. It would end with them falling, collapsing from broken limbs and hurt. I've seen it happen to you so many times. I could survive, and maybe learn.

Would you forgive me like I forgive myself? Why is it so important that you be the one to teach this to me? Are your qualifications just more excuses? Am I lying to myself? The way you spoke to me -

_I'll help you dance. You just have to know how to ask._

\- cryptic. Selfish, perhaps, but so is this request. It makes sense, however. That is the progression of things. You're taking me seriously. You think that I want you to complete the dance with me. I should correct you.

But what if we could do this dance together? Would it be good for you, to see it through just once? Could I be the partner who you could complete it with? The one who wouldn't trip over your feet, because I stay so carefully in tune with you. I would follow well, as it's what I do. If you lead just as well, we could do it. I think it would be good for you. A learning experience for me. I last, after all, and you don't. It's a neverending dance, though, only halting when one of us stumbles from exhaustion. I don't get tired. You might be angry. But it might be worth it.

For you, I'd dance forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I always feel the need to justify myself when I post fanfiction that implies love between characters. That justification is that I don't always mean romantic love. In fact, in most cases, I don't mean romantic love at all, or I mean a curious type of romantic love.
> 
> I'm also one of those artists who believes - rather, knows - that everyone interprets art differently. There is no right and no wrong when it comes to art.
> 
> Here, I'm just justifying my own interpretation.


End file.
